


Without you (I'd never make it out alive.)

by tacohashi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, and soft, enjoy, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:02:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10073096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tacohashi/pseuds/tacohashi
Summary: Lexa lives for Clarke.





	

**Author's Note:**

> canon? i don't know her. this is real, 100% real. no fake. haters will say it's fake but it isn't, believe me.
> 
> (also, title is from ready to run by one direction, they're the real mvp.)
> 
> edit 26/5/17: changed a few things and stuff, mostly the same.

The last thing you remember is getting shot. Everything after is a blur of black and tears. 

 

You  _ swore _ you died, but apparently not; The thing that makes you wake up from the sluggish sleep you were in are the warm hands in one of yours, the soft cries and sobs that seem far away. (And Clarke, she made you want to continue living. To love her and cherish her as long as your body can take it. She made you want to  _ live _ .) 

 

There’s a really bad pain in your abdomen and a splitting headache. Also, your throat is really dry and you can't even try to open your eyes, the horrible pain of your headache taking over even the back of your eyes. 

 

Still, with every force you have, and with all the energy there is in your body, you groan and try to move to a more comfortable position. 

 

Clarke, you suppose, gasps. It's watery and full of a raw, horrible sadness. You don't ever want to listen something like that again in your life. (The small part of your brain that is  _ actually _ conscious swears to never make her this sad again.) 

 

“Lexa! Lexa, can you hear me?” There is some ruffling and then she's sitting beside you, you can feel her body heat, it's nice and warm and comforting. Something that always pulls you back in towards her, making you miss her whenever you're not around her. (Oh man, you're whipped.) 

 

You weakly nod, finally opening your eyes. Everything is  _ so  _ bright.–how much time were you out? It felt like nothing.–You look over to Clarke, your heart beating a tiny bit faster and your breath stopping at your throat. 

 

She's beautiful. You knew that, of course, but now after you almost died, she looks even more astonishing. 

 

(Her hair looks like the sun in the middle of summer, her eyes are as bright as the stars she fell from and as blue as the deep seas you remember from your childhood.) 

 

(And you're in love with her.)

 

You're glad you're alive, and you're glad she's by your side. Living without her now would be worse than being dead. She's the sun that keeps you warm.

 

You look at her and you finally understand all those books you've read about falling in love, every words and sentence, every letter and paragraph. (She looks at you and your chest bursts with love and affection and she's in love with you.) 

 

“I thought you died, Lexa.” She caresses your cheek, a simple gesture that makes you feel happy. “Your heart stopped for almost a minute.” 

 

“Then why am I alive then?” You croak out, actually confused about the reason you’re  _ not dead _ . 

 

(It’s love. And it's happiness, and it’s Clarke. She keeps you alive.)

 

She laughs and it's dry and humorless, it's also the first time you've heard her laugh, probably. (leaders don't have the privilege of enjoying life and laughing without care.  _ She _ doesn't have that privilege and neither do you.) “ _ I _ saved you. You’re alive because I know a thing or two about saving people.” 

 

Her hands are rough but the way her touches you is almost as soft as the fur of your bed, or the hills full of flowers at the outskirts of Polis.

 

“You didn't save me because you know about saving people from death. You saved me because my heart beats for you, Clarke.” 

 

Maybe those aren't the words you needed to tell her because she starts crying. But then she presses her forehead against yours and kisses you.

 

(She kisses you and it's bittersweet, a feeling so deep into your veins, your bloodstream, a feeling that keeps your heart beating. It’s something so raw you didn't know you could feel. A feeling they always taught you it's the only thing you were ever allowed to feel.) 

 

(She kisses you and it cracks you open.) 

 

//

 

It takes many weeks for you to be able to get out of your bed without Clarke’s help or pain. 

 

You were tired of staying in your bed all the time, it was boring and frustrating. But Clarke slept beside you everyday and let you braid her hair and read to her everyday. She finishes her drawing of you and makes many more. 

 

Finally, after weeks of healing–both your wound and emotionally, after everything that happened–, Clarke let's you out of bed to  _ finally _ resume your activities as Heda. 

 

At first, it's tiring and you're light headed after a short amount of time, but Clarke is always there with a warm bath and soft kisses. 

 

(You can't lie to anyone, spending time with Clarke is your favorite thing about your day.) 

 

You have to learn how to love, after those strong and raw feelings were buried deep inside your heart by everyone (Mostly you, and Costia.) but Clarke digs them out with her smiles and warm touches. 

 

(She’s the whole sky and you're just a lonely tree rooted and buried in the earth.) 

 

(You love her like it's the only thing you know how to do correctly.) 

 

//

 

Her people definitely don't like you. Most of them probably hate you; you don't judge them, if everything was reversed and they were the ones that left you, you would have been angry and hold a deep grudge against them. 

 

But they love Clarke, and you do too. So, somehow there's a silent agreement to love Clarke and not bother each other while you're visiting Arkadia.

 

You also allowed them to be in your coalition, so they can't be whiny babies about  _ everything _ . 

 

The only people glad to see you alive and well are Marcus Kane and Abby Griffin. They both greet you with a happiness you've never received before. 

 

You have meetings the whole day, about lands and technologies you can share. When the three of you–plus sometimes Clarke, or Bellamy. At one moment a man named Charles Pike joined too. You made him leave.– finish, your stomach growls with hunger. It makes Clarke laughs and it makes you blush. 

 

Clarke’s friends ambush you while she’s away with her mom. They're a handful, they don't care about privacy or personal space and honestly, it makes you a tiny bit uncomfortable. You're used to everyone being at arm length around you, so them being so close is  _ awkward  _ and weird.

 

“Lexa. You know we hate you.” Raven, probably? They're too many, says pointing her fork threateningly at you. “But we need to know what are your intentions with our daughter, Clarke.” 

 

That was probably a joke in the ark or the old world that you  _ do not  _ get, so while everyone is laughing you're confused. Maybe they're laughing at your confusion, who knows. Obviously, not you.

 

“I’m not sure she is your daughter, Raven.” You tell her between bites, “I have no bad intentions with Clarke. I love her, I  _ am _ in love with her.” 

 

Someone chokes on their food after you say it. The rest of them have wide open eyes, probably shocked at what you said. It wasn't a big deal or a secret? Everyone in Polis knows that you're in love with Clarke and she's in love with you. They're happy for you after what happened to Costia. 

 

Then why is it a big deal with Skaikru? 

 

“Are you really in love with her?” Octavia asks, her eyes are stone cold, same as her voice. “Or are you using her to betray us again? Because we all know you can.” 

 

Her last comment makes something inside you snap. “I got  _ shot,  _ and my heart stopped for almost a minute. I could be dead right now.” You snarl at all of them, but mostly Octavia. “I am not dead right now because of Clarke, she saved me and makes me want to live.” 

 

You stand up and leave. 

 

//

 

Later that night, when you're both in bed and warm, and her head is on your chest–“I can feel your heartbeat that way, so I know nothing happens to you.”–, and your legs are a tangled mess of limbs, she tells you about the conversation you had with her friends earlier during dinner.

 

“So, I make you want to live, huh?” She wiggles her eyebrows, a small, shy smile on her lips. 

 

You laugh, a laugh soft and reckless. A laugh you forgot existed before you met Clarke and you fell in love with her. “Yes, Clarke. You make me want to live.” 

 

Her eyes are stars and galaxies and they shine so much at all times. (She doesn't deserve the horrible, gruesome earth, with wars and death. She deserves the stars and the sky and the moon, filled with peace and tranquility. She deserves _ so much  _ more than what you have to offer.) 

 

“God, Lexa. I’m in love with you.” She peepers your face with kisses. “I love you so much.” 

 

“I am in love with you, Clarke.” You smile at her, being foolish and in love, _happy and_ _alive_. 

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to, check out my tumblr: rudeamity.tumblr.com i'm sometimes cool.


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